fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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