I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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