can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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