my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
