Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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