nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
