We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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