Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
