Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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