remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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