I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
