I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
