she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize