Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
