Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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