Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I just googled if crying burns calories
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Randomize
