Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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