The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
