she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
