mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
