So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
