whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
