it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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