Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
