I'm going to jail i love you
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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