haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
