after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
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