You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
