so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
