That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize