So drunk, too bad you don't want this
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
