what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
