I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
