So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
