WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
