so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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