i was born a porn star she said
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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