so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
