you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
