I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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