was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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