ya dads aren't the best wingmen
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
