Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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