That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
