I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I fill condoms, not promises.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
