Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
