Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
