I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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