I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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