I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
