you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
