I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
