highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
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I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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