There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Randomize
