A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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