life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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