Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
