I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
