Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
