I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
