Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
