He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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