If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
