saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize