He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
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