He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
