I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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