There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
