I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
