I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
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