I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
