Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
cat food counts as protein by the way
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
