you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
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