I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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