I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Someone shattered a urinal.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
