Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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