he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Randomize
