I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
