All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
