dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
