I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
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