I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
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I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
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He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize