I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
