And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
